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When my friends gifted me the Jaclyn Hill Palette for my birthday, I couldn't help but be immediately drawn towards the shade "Twerk". It was bright, vibrant, daring, different. Totally not up my alley in terms of my usual makeup look, but I was having so much trouble just settling on a soft brown in the crease and a metallic inner corner highlight; I eventually ended up doing the look you see above.
Lots of orangey tones in the crease with that bright pop of blue carried across the lid. All the shadows I used were from the JH palette; the oranges in my crease consisted of Butter, Pukey, Hunts, Roxanne, Jacz, and a little Creamsicle near the very top of my crease to blend everything together; I thought it added a fun little sunset-y vibe. Then the fun part came, packing that cobalt blue shade all across my lid. I sprayed my brush with a little Fix Plus by MAC to really get that pigment before I went in. After I applied Twerk, I went in with Chip, a chocolate brown, and applied the shadow where the orange and the blue met to create a smoother transition. I finished off with Obsessed as my inner corner highlight and voilà, my look was complete! 
Now to share some of the pros and cons of this palette. Although I love the shades and the formula, this palette has a TON of fallout - like, so much fallout. However, that didn't hinder he blendability and the pigment packed in each shadow. Despite the fallout, I do recommend testing out this palette for yourself because not only will it have your usual color scheme but it'll also you give you the opportunity to play around with shades you haven't experimented with yet. Overall, I'd give two thumbs up to Jaclyn Hill and Morphe!







     I have super sensitive skin, so once I find a product that works for me I really stick with it. I also have pretty dry skin, but in the summer, I try to keep things lighter. The following products are what I’ve really been loving for the summer:

Bliss Makeup Melt is my all-over makeup remover. It doesn’t sting my skin and does a solid job of taking my makeup (minus waterproof mascara) off. It’s cruelty-free and relatively cheap, so I definitely plan on keeping it in rotation.

Pacifica Sea Foam Cleanser is the only facial cleanser I’ve used that doesn’t irritate my skin. It’s a little pricier for drugstore skincare, but because it’s cruelty-free I don’t mind spending a little bit more. The face wash doesn’t do much more than cleanse, but it’s enough for me.

Pixi’s Glow Tonic is hands-down my favorite new skincare discovery. To me, it has a mildly rosy scent, but the real kicker is the absolute magic it does for my skin. I’m not even sure what exactly it’s intended purpose is, but within a few days of using it, my skin was significantly more radiant and even-toned.

CeraVe’s Moisturizing Cream is the only product whose cruelty-free status I’m unsure of, but after a long winter it did wonders for my skin. Alternatively, though, if I want something light I opt for an avocado or almond oil in place of a traditional moisturizer.

     I recently realized that almost every eyeshadow color I owned looked awful on me. Because I have dark brown eyes, rather than making my eyes pop, coral-y and orange-y colors made me look like I had just finished crying. So, for a while, I just stopped wearing eyeshadow entirely.



However, this changed when one day I purchased some purple eyeshadows, “Daddy” and “Issa,” on a whim. I’ve bought several Colourpop eyeshadows in the past and I absolutely love their formula, but these two shades are like nothing I’ve ever used. “Daddy” is slightly paler, more Easter-y purple, which is something I would usually shy away from, but when I put it on my eyes I was absolutely stunned. “Issa” is a deep, warm-toned plum color with a blueish glitter reflex, and it looks absolutely gorgeous in combination with Colourpop’s “Hammered.”


 I actually did a look with "Issa" for a banquet party about a week ago. I applied it over the lid with some deeper purples from an old L'Oréal palette. My outfit consisted of a purple-y color scheme with hints of emerald green throughout the details. Since "Issa" already has somewhat of a blue-greeny reflex, as I mentioned earlier, I decided to take "Donna" (also by Colorupop) and lightly tap it over my lid in order to intensify that green hue, and I absolutely loved it! Both of these eyeshadows are my new favorites and have paved the way for a long love affair with purple on my eyes.

For the longest time I’ve been searching for cruelty-free haircare but after trying Dr. Bronner’s shampoo, which essentially turned my hair to straw, I was a little skeptical to try something new. But, the last time I was at the mall, I decided to give Lush’s shampoo a try. After getting some help from the employees at the shop, I settled on Montalbano. I’m a huge fan of anything lemony, so I was sold on the scent right away, but I was also pleased with the recommendation for oily roots. Even after making the purchase though, I was slightly nervous as to how my hair would react to a solid shampoo. Despite my skepticism, I was pleasantly surprised! While in the shower my hair felt a little sticky, but as soon as I stepped out it was completely fine. I love the smell of the shampoo and it genuinely makes my hair feel clean. And, as a plus, I learned from the Lush employees that because a shampoo bar lasts about 90 washes, it’s the equivalent of about 3 bottles of shampoo. By using a shampoo bar in place of a traditional liquid shampoo, you can significantly cut the amount of waste you leave behind. This, combined with the way the Montalbano makes my hair feel truly has converted me to the way of shampoo bars.










   


      If you’ve ever wanted your heart to smush like a balloon with the air let out, I’d recommend falling in love with a friend. If that kind of masochism isn’t enough for you, it might also be helpful to simultaneously friendzone one another. Hold each other, press your lips against one another, but remain just friends. Reach new heights of intimacy, but struggle to define anything. Acknowledge that you’re one another’s soulmates, but still mention in passing just how cute the new kid in your class is. 
      As long as you don’t give your relationship a name, it does not exist. In a society where we place the highest value on language, we cannot see the things we do not have a word for; like the Greeks who did not have a name for the color blue, we have no title for the relationship that lies between friend and lover. The problem with such a fixation on labels is that the lack thereof indicates a lack of commitment: just like we all assume that a relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend is more volatile than that between husband and wife, the relationship between people who are unable to define their relationship is the most volatile. 
     For as long as you choose to walk the precarious line between being nothing and being something, you are asking to fall into the chasm that threatens open beneath your feet and swallow you whole. And when you do fall, there is no net to catch you. When the relationship ends, almost inevitably because there is nothing keeping you together—not the law, a lease, or even just public knowledge of your existence, you are left grasping at nothing. If you chose not to mention the more-than platonic nature of your friendship to your other friends, there is no one to lean on when your relationship becomes suddenly less-than amicable. If you chose to keep the secrecy of your indulgence buried in depths of your chest, there are no statuses to update or photos to delete, to burn. When a relationship that was never really a relationship ends, there is no roadmap for moving on. 
     To the people who knew you as what you were at the core, just friends, there is no problem. Why don’t you just tell them how you feel? Tell them you miss them; you want them back. Would you tell your ex how much you missed them? Drop to your knees and beg for them after they dumped you? No, because you still have some dignity left. For everyone who suspected there was something more from the start, there is nothing to say because there is nothing to be salvaged. Because we were lovers, we can no longer be friends; because we were never truly friends or lovers, we can no longer be either. 

     I wish I could have you back as any of the above. 
If I could go back in time,
I’d sit in the November chill of your car in the parking lot
And pray instead this time that the car would not start
I’d fold my hands to match my origami heart and beg to stay in your old-ass car a little longer
Just to have you a little bit longer
I want to hear your excuses just one last time, tell me why this time — just this one time — you 
    couldn’t figure out how to drive
I’d sit in that parking lot all night if it meant sitting there with you
I’d sit on the curb in the cold, waiting for a tow
I wish your stupid car had never started and that we were still sitting in that parking lot, the sky     
    permanently frozen in the yellow-blue haze before the sun drops out of the sky

Some poems my phone and I wrote.







Ever since I was young, I have loved to read. I finished multiple books each week. As I've gotten older, I've had less time to read, but still, there are certain books that have lived in me over the years. While I've read far more wonderful books than the handful in this list, these are a few that made me who I am in one way or another.

The Idiot by Elif Batuman

I'm gonna be honest, this book is a drag, the first half especially. Although it is long-winded, I think it's definitely worth reading if you have even the slightest interest in inter- and intrapersonal relationships. This book had several stunning lines that reminded me that everyone thinks they're the protagonist of their story — or, at the very least, an object of pity. 

Startup by Doree Shafrir

This is a much easier book than The Idiot, and I haven't read anything like this in ages. I read this in the summer of 2017 and I raced through it. It had been forever since I'd been desperate to continue reading, to turn the page and find out what happens next. The themes of this book are heavy, but the delivery is funny and warm, and as cheesy as that sounds I've come to realize that's how most things in life are. 

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Oh my, this book's a real kicker. I cried so much reading this book, and while that's not uncommon for me, I found myself crying rare rivers of frustration. It has completely revolutionized my view of the world and of the justice system. It's prompted several donations and long conversations and I think that's exactly what a good non-fiction should do. 

My Name is Bilal by Asma Mobin-Uddin

My parents read this book to me as child, and I definitely intend to share this book with any and all children in my life. It speaks directly about identity crisis and then conviction as an American Muslim. I can't imagine this ever being irrelevant to any minority communities in the United States. 

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

This is the book you need to read when you need a revolution in your life. Unlike most of the books on this list, I've only read this book once, but it has truly, truly stuck with me. I read this for the first time while drowning in everyday stresses and it opened my eyes to the absolute triviality of pointless panic. 

Yaqui Delgado Wants to Kick Your Ass by Meg Medina

I originally read this novel only because the author came to speak at our school. She was captivating and made her book sound decent at the very least. Yaqui Delgado showed me the multitude of ways in which all people of color are the same, and that's a lesson that has timelessly served to save me over the past couple years. 

Does My Head Look Big in This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah 

I have read this book more times than I can count. Truth be told, it is not even written well; it's a strange time capsule from the early 2000s. Despite that, it touches me every time I pick it up — there is something so comforting about Muslim, hijabi protagonists whose problems are on the basic level the same as mine. 

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

This book was one of the first to really open my mind to the heartbreak that exists not only in the world, but in good writing. It's dry and cold, but that's exactly what it's supposed to be. It should be required that everyone read something that talks about something taboo —whether it be eating disorders, drugs, sex — because it makes you far more empathetic than you thought possible. 

The Junie B. Jones series by Barbara Park


These are a classic and an obvious favorite. This series is what interested me in reading in the first place, and for that, I'm forever grateful to Barbara Park. 


     Technically, I still have a day to go until I turn seventeen, but I feel like I'm close enough to my birthday to reflect on some of the most valuable things I've learned over the past seventeen years, and I hope to be able to reflect on my life another seventeen years from now as well.

  1. Your body is much more than something to be sexualized. A few months ago, I was lucky enough to watch a woman give birth, and it truly solidified the truth that lies in the magic of the human body. 
  2. Not everyone is your best friend, so don't expect undying devotion in return for all your aching. (And you are not defined by the people who do not love you.)
  3. You will never get anything out of being unkind to people; I have never looked back and wished I had been less kind to people, but I do wish often that I had really done more to be good to people. 
  4. But, on that note, you also have to prioritize who to be kind to. I used to think that it was unkind to call out people who said inappropriate things, but I have over the past 14 months come to realize that I am doing a great injustice and unkindness towards people I love when I fail to reprimand sexism, homophobia, or racism. 
  5. You have to take care of yourself first. Nobody benefits from being saved by a lifeguard who can barely stay afloat themselves. 
  6. The truth will set you free, but first it'll piss you off — let yourself be angry, and then make a change.
  7. Only you can feel what you feel; don't try to prove your feelings to anybody else, your feelings are real simply because you feel them.
  8. Some people just will not respect you, so don't try to please them in any way. Don't force yourself to be any quieter, louder, more or less intelligent, chill, or blind in the hopes that you will finally appease someone, because you won't.
  9. Sometimes cutting people out is not the way to go. Everyone messes up and more often than not they deserve a second chance.
  10. Travel keeps you sane.
  11. "There is no boy at this age that is cute enough or interesting enough to stop you from getting your education"
  12. You are not your weight/your GPA/your followers; you are not a number
  13. Change is okay and should be fostered, not shamed
  14. Make the most of what you have; you'll look back and wish you still had it
  15. Value your time enough not to waste precious moments on things you hate
  16. Don't invest your entire being into one person/hobby/thing; it's never not lead to heartache
  17. Si vis amari, ama. (if you wish to be loved, love.)


January 15, 2000

Your parents hold an angel baby boy for the first time; you scream your guts out

I am still a star in the sky, in parents' eyes

January 15, 2001

I slip into the world like the silver moon on a winter night; my grandmother gives me a name and I am the most me I will ever be

You turn a year old, but you could pass for three

January 15, 2002

You don't listen when your parents tell you "stop that!" 
You get time-outs

I've already been speaking for months; I can talk to anyone about anything

January 15, 2003

I am two, but not too terrible

Your parents wonder when you'll finally grow out of this stage

January 15, 2004

You take pictures with cake on your face. Your grandparents fall in love with you. 

I get a Buzz Lightyear toy and go to Chuck E. Cheese. My cousin taught me how to count to 20. 

January 15, 2005

I get to stand on a chair in class while everyone sings "Happy Birthday"

You were hoping for snow. The roads are clear

January 15, 2006

You get a Gameboy

I am one of fifth of the way to being twenty-five; I feel it

January 15, 2007

I get a new dress

Your mom brings cupcakes to class. They're chocolate, so you don't take a single bite

January 15, 2008

Second grade means birthday parties

I've recently become a big sister for the second time. I'm so grown I can't hold it in my tiny body

January 15, 2009

I feel magical, inside and out

You're half way to being an adult

January 15, 2010

You watch a new movie — it's gory

I go out to dinner with my family

January 15, 2011

I have a birthday party, but I tore my stomach lining and can't eat anything

You get a new jersey for your birthday 

January 15, 2012

Whether or not the Mayans were right, you can feel the world ending

I don't know who I am, but I'm ready to find her

January 15, 2013

I'm nearly a woman

You think drinking makes you a man

January 15, 2014

You smoke pot for the first time

I want to be a star again

January 15, 2015

I have only just fallen in love for the first time — with myself, with life, with my family, with a boy who touched my heart

In high school, you realize it's easier to be hungover than sober on your birthday

January 15, 2016

You play hooky; your girlfriend comes over that night

I don't know who you are and I have yet to realize that I wish I never would

January 15, 2017

You go out with your friends

I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about us being connected in any way

January 15, 2018

I am taking back my life


You have a storm coming your way
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