This week, out of solidarity for the one-year anniversary of the Pulse shooting, I'll be posting something each day about love.

     Around three or so years ago, I took the Love Languages test. At the time, my love language was the giving/receiving of gifts. When I took the test recently however, it was between words of affirmation and quality time.
       I'm not really shocked to find the change; I think it's naturally for me to have grown in what I consider to be most valuable in a relationship. I am, however, a little intrigued to consider why exactly this change happened. I think a major key is that I definitely have shifted my number- one-desired traits in friendship. I used to deeply value academic intelligence, the ability to entertain, and a certain air of being clean-cut. Now, I greatly value empathy, loyalty, and the ability to make me feel as though all my feelings are valid, but will make me think as well.
     Ever since anxiety became a part of my life about two years ago, I think I have appreciated kind words more and more. I enjoy hearing compliments, but not nearly as much as I feel soothed by comforting reassurances. Just as well, ever since I started working on keeping my anxiety at bay last summer, I have also deeply enjoyed spending time with people I love. While I have noticed a shift in how I prefer to receive love, the way I display it is still mostly the same. For the most part, I give gifts and tokens to express my love and gratitude. I certainly don't think that because I now appreciate words and time as opposed to presents I am suddenly the most down-to-earth person; I don't think there is anything wrong with placing sentiment in material objects, I am just grateful to be able to see my own growth. And no matter which love is fitting in your life, I hope you have an abundance of it.

This week, out of solidarity for the one-year anniversary of the Pulse shooting, I'll be posting something each day about love.

The winter of 2014/2015 was one of the best times of my entire life. I have never in my entire life been more at peace with who I was a person, my body, the people I was with, or my faith.
      All of these tie in together with me having started to wear hijab the summer of 2014. With that, I had somehow stopped caring about how thick or thin I was, what the number on the scale was, or what size jeans I bought. While I stopped scrutinizing my body, I poured great amounts of effort into my clothes and how I wore my scarf. This might sound counterproductive, but swearing off sweatpants in public was one of the best things I've done for myself.
      Just as well, it took that physical change for me to really look deep within myself and understand what kind of person I was. I enjoyed being around people and found solace in company. I wanted to be around smart, open people who made me better in every sense. And that's exactly who I found.
       I joined the MSA and found myself becoming friends with people I had never imagined having anything beyond religion in common with. I was meeting people who were older than I was, and cared less about what people thought, but cared about me as a friend in ways that I hadn't known. There are few times in my life where I think I have learned or thought as much as I did in those few months.
     Perhaps it was the novelty of that time, which has now spun itself into nostalgia that makes me look back on it so fondly, but there certainly was a combination of ease in my friendships, faith, and self-esteem that stuck out about that time.       Of course this was just a short rundown of a lengthy period of my life, but a glimpse at all the little things that fit together to make that time great is key to having each day play out like a personal romance.

This week, out of solidarity for the one-year anniversary of the Pulse shooting, I'll be posting something each day about love.

     I'm going to preface all of this with the statement that this is my opinion at this point, and it very well could change soon or at some point in the very distant future.

This week, out of solidarity for the one-year anniversary of the Pulse shooting, I'll be posting something each day about love.


It's entirely too easy to feel real sucky about yourself; whether it's because you did poorly on exam, double texted someone, scrolled a little too far on someone's Instagram, or maybe just read the news. So for times like those when everything just sucks a little bit, I've complied a list of little things that'll hopefully make you feel even the tiniest bit better.

turn on some fairy lights
Ambiance is key to lifting your mood, at least in my opinion. I love fairy lights with a gold hue, because I feel like they add more warmth than white or fluorescent lights.

light a candle
This kind of ties into the previous suggestion, but you'll feel a lot better if you're in a place that smells nice. Plus, if you really need the extra lift you could get a specifically mood-boosting candle.

do something that feels productive
This could be anything ranging from making your bed to painting your nails; really anything that has some kind of tangible finished result.

drink something
In theory, this should probably be water, but it's also nice to have something else. In the winter coffee is great, but in the summer I definitely prefer lemonade.

take a shower/bath
Feeling clean on the outside usually helps with feeling soothed on the inside.

change your clothes
This one depends on what you're already wearing. If I've been wearing pjs all day then it's nice to put on some real clothes and do my makeup. On the other hand, if you've been wearing uncomfortable clothes all day it's nice to change into a sweatshirt and pajama pants.

watch something that doesn't make you think
Of course it's important to be aware of the world, but you don't need to be watching the news 24/7. Watch something that requires no thought or stress; makeup tutorials, Disney movies, HGTV, etc.

This week, out of solidarity for the one-year anniversary of the Pulse shooting, I'll be posting something each day about love.

Mari Andrew
Mari Andrew is one of my favorite artists of all time for lots of reasons, some personal, but mostly for the empathy and relatability that radiates from each of her illustrations. Her drawings reflect on life and love and will make you do the same.

Modern Love
This podcast is my absolute favorite thing to listen to. As I mentioned in my last post, I constantly re-listen to the Friends Without Benefits episode. The episodes range from funny to heart-wrenching, for young lovers to old lovers, and embrace all the different kinds and feelings of love. (Also, if you have trouble listening to podcasts this one is based on the New York Times column so you could read it there, too.)

Will Darbyshire
Will Darbyshire has some of the most beautiful and thoughtful videos I've ever seen. They're simple for the most part, but they also have an unplaceable depth to them. One of my favorites is called Sunday, which is just clips of him and his girlfriend, Arden, walking around town, but there's something deeply soothing about the video.

Dear Sugar
This podcast is hosted by Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond who have opened my eyes greatly. The episodes tackle the more controversial sides of love such as infidelity, parental relationships, familial dynamics, and age gaps, along with a plethora of other topics.

Seaniedraws
I discovered this Instagram recently and it's a little heartbreaking but mostly accurate. The drawings are very minimalistic, but also very powerful.

     Last Friday, June 2nd, was one of the best days of my entire life. Our school hosted a field day for all the special ed. kids in the county. The kids who came ranged from elementary to high school. As part of the school's Red Cross club, I volunteered to help out. Each volunteer was assigned a partner to hang out/play with/help throughout the day. My partner was a third grade boy who, for the purpose of this post, I'll call Red.
     Red was absolutely one of the sweetest children I've ever met. He was kind and friendly and polite. He could speak and use his hands and communicate fine, but he could not move his legs and was in a wheelchair. All he wanted to do was play ping-pong. I played ping-pong with him for almost two hours straight, and I spent almost half that time running after the ball (I'm the worst at ping-pong), but that kept him laughing. At one point, another girl came over to also play at the ping-pong table. She had quite a bit of trouble moving her arms to use the paddle, but Red would roll the ball to her and let her take as many turns as she wanted, which, in my opinion, is very generous as a third grader.
     He told me about his siblings, and his favorite subject, color, and what he liked to do in his free time. Later, our school's dance team came by to teach all the kids some dances and have a "dance party." Red slayed everyone's life with his whipping and nae-naeing, but what really had me shocked was when during the Cupid Shuffle when the line "now kick" came on, he picked up his leg as if to kick. I'm not sure exactly what it was about the gesture, but it was heartbreaking.
      After the dancing he got tired and let me push his wheel chair. At that point it was time to eat, so he had pizza and we just talked. Once he finished eating, we played one last quick round of ping-pong before it was time for all the students to go back. He gave me a hug before he left, and I let him know that I'd love to see him again next year, to which he agreed.
       I can't remember very many times where my heart had felt so, so, so full. The amount of joy and kindness I witnessed that day was incredible, and I hope to be able to help out again next year.

     Not invented like in a lab or something, but invented as in you convinced yourself they were something they aren't. Like that they really do care about you, they were just standoffish (even if they have more friends than cells in their body). Or that all those times they only texted you in the middle of the night was just because they were waking up for Fajr. Or they weren't super cocky, they just had an inferiority complex. Or that their outfits were not fboish, they were preppy. All of this is fine, so long as you don't reconnect with them. You can create any persona you want for them for as long as you don't see them, leaving your beliefs to either be confirmed or denied. You can be as in love with them as you like, until of course, you see them again. It might be months, years, decades later. It might never even happen; creating a strange never-ending "the one that got away." But when you do see them, your fallacy falls. And suddenly you can see who they really are and maybe even who they were. Maybe your stomach drops, or perhaps your heart lifts. Whichever it is, perhaps the destruction of delusion is the first step to liberation from the one that got away.

EDIT: I've been listening to this episode of the Modern Love podcast every few weeks since last October and it gets more and more real each time.

"No" is Not the Only Way to Say No

    While there is no doubt at all that when somebody says "no" they mean no, there should also be more taken of the other (100% valid) ways someone can say no.
     Obviously, body language is a clear indicator, but here's a quick little guide. If someone is leaning away from you, they don't want you coming any closer, or even as close as you are. If someone tenses up at your touch, they don't you want you touching them. If someone takes a step back from you, they are creating space between the two of you—not more space for you. Even though the person may not outright say no, you need to be aware enough of personal boundaries to understand that this person does not want you in their space; trust me, you'd know if they did want you there.
     Another cue, this one more verbal, or lack there of, is vital. If you're speaking/flirting with someone, and they give you one word answers, noncommittal grunts, or don't answer at all, they don't want to talk to you! As shocking as it may seem, nobody owes you their time or conversation. As soon as you realize that they do not wish to speak to you, you should drop the advances. If they were interested, they would've flirted back.
     That's the main thing here; people make it very clear when they want to talk to you, and when there's even a little bit of doubt as to whether or not that person is comfortable with the situation, you should respect their feelings and step back; not try to convince them, or call them stuck up, or ask why they're "being like that," or continue to do what you're doing.